I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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