I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
