He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
