The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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