Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
