This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
