Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
