Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
