Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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