Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
