my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he shaved USA in his pubs
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
