$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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