Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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