haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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