sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
