hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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