Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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