Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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