i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
