So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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