you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
