My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
this hospital has no fireball
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
