New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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