Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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