When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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