Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
