I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
