I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think i got beer on your cat.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
