Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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