My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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