I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
