This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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