I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
