All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
