What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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