You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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