hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
