Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
