i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
