And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
