he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
handjob tips. give me some.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
