I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
