i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
