Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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