Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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