this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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