Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize