Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
