There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
