I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
