She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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