perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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