i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
