Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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