He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
