At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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