the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
