I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
