somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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