The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
