I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Randomize
