I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
