One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
