Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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