Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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